Crunchy Thoughts

Things are slowly beginning to settle into place now. My sister is getting married in just four weeks, her fiancé just got a new job (“So now they don’t have to live at the Jimmy Hale Mission,” Mom says), and Steven will be a college graduate in a little over two months. It’s been a crazy-ass year, and I’m ready for it to be August.

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Earlier I was doing some exploratory research shopping online for my boss’ daughter, who will celebrate her first birthday in a few weeks. In my quest to find something normal, and yet unique, I came across the cutest baby blanket.

“Man, Cathy needs to hurry up and have a baby, so I can get her this blanket!” I mused. It’s definitely right up her alley, but I won’t go into too much detail on account of her faithful reading of this site.

So come on, Cathy, pop me out a niece or nephew so I can get you this blanket. Better yet, I’ll make it myself if I ever learn to sew. It can’t be too terrible hard, and now I have incentive to learn.

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If you ever contract someone to do some creative work for you, whether it be design, decoration, remodling ideas, or other things of that nature, do ‘em a favor and answer the questions they ask you. If they want to know if you like or abhor a certain element, tell them so. Don’t wait until they bring the finished product to you to exclaim, “It’s nice, but just one thing: I hate azaleas.”

Uhhh, not that this has ever happened to me, of course.

Ooh, I’m a bad, bad Carrie. I haven’t written anything in over a week! I’ve got a good excuse, though; a few good excuses, actually.

Steven was in between semesters at Auburn, so I got to experience what it’s like to have your husband with you every evening instead of just weekends. I quite enjoyed the experience, though it makes me wonder what will happen to this blog once Steven’s outta school full-time. I just might fall off the face of the earth.

Okay, second reason why I ain’t been writing. Well, in a nutshell, we saw this kitty. Come on, you know how the story goes from here: find kitty, bring him home, watch Renton kill us all . . . Well, not that bad; Renton has taken the situation quite well, actually. We followed the rules and introduced them slowly. Pretty decent experience.

And now to introduce the new baby. She’s an eight-month-old pastel calico whom we decided to name Hermione. Her intelligent-looking green eyes drew us to the name, which comes from a smart, sorta goody-goody character from the Harry Potter books. She’s a very loving cat and wants to rub her face all over every inch of everything. If rubbing doesn’t do the job, she might take a little nibble from your chin as well, so watch out.

She’s half the size of Renton, but right now she’s chasing him more than him chasing her. Renton has always been wary of things smaller than himself. Come to think of it, that’s beginning to be quite a lot of things; we have just realized he is absolutely huge! He weighs in at almost 13 pounds; need to tell his grandparents to stop giving him salmon.

And, true to my household, Hermione is already starting to gether a few middle names of her own (with Renton being ‘Renton Sid Vicious James Peter Bucky Williams). So far, her full name is ‘Hermione Nermel Fidget Itty Winking Puffs Williams — ‘Nermel’ from the annoyingly cute cat from ‘Garfield and Friends,’ ‘Fidget’ because she lays down and gets up and lays down again about twenty times before she’s comfortable, and ‘Itty Winking Puffs’ after a stuffed tiger accidentally named that by Seven. Uhh, long story.

She’s a skittish cat, too. I learned this firsthand, so to speak. There was an ill-fated event involving her, a blender, my hand, and $60 in antibiotics and a tetanus shot. My left hand is not happy.

That reminds me; I must go take that horsepill again. I’ll post some lovely pictures for later, but for right now, I’m pooped.

I don’t have cable. I used to about a year ago, but I decided that fifty bucks a month on top of my phone/DSL bill was a shitload of money, and something had to go. Naturally, internet was my top priority, then cable, then the landline phone. Unfortunately, the DSL needs a landline to work, so the cable got the boot. My BellSouth bill was still nuts (about one hundred smackers a month, and that’s without long distance), but I saw no other way around it; cable internet doesn’t come down this road.

Thankfully, I was only hooked on two shows: Six Feet Under and Friends. Ken usually gets me copies of SFU and my mom keeps me up to date with Friends, plus I’m able to catch reruns when I visit home. With the very last episode of Friends coming up this Thursday, my plan was to watch it over at my office; a practice usually reserved for Auburn away games during the fall. However, I got to thinking about cable again; after all, I’ve only got three more months of middle class poverty.

I humored my wild idea with some quick research, and lo and behold, cable internet is now offered in my area. “Hmmm,” I thought. Granted, DSL is probably faster and more reliable, but cable sure is cheaper! I do some quick calling and find that I can get digital basic cable plus cable internet for, get this, thirty bucks cheaper than my current phone/internet bill! Hell yes, sign me up!

It will all be installed tomorrow afternoon, just in time for the Friends finale. I had to call BellSouth to arrange to get my service cancelled. There was a lot of joy in that action, let me tell you.

Annoyingly happy customer service rep guy: “Hi, this is [annoyingly happy customer service rep guy], thank you for calling, how can I help make your BellSouth experience more incredibly stupendous today?” (I’m serious, he really said this).

Me: (stifling laughter) “Uhh, yeah, I’d like to cancel my services.”

Annoyingly happy customer service rep guy: “Awwww . . .”

I love how at the end of cancelling all of your services with BellSouth, they still say, “Thank you for using BellSouth.” It reminds me of a time when my dad was on the phone with those people trying to work out some nutty phone problem. By the end of the conversation, Dad was pretty annoyed, and when the rep said, “Thank you for using BellSouth!,” Dad shot back, “I have to use BellSouth!,” and hung up.

So, summing up, for those of you that really know me, you’ll only be able to reach me by my cell phone, which is all I’ve been using lately, anyway. I am free of the BellSouth Nazguls, or at least I will be come Tuesday.

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Heehee, I bet after this post, anyone that googles the word ‘BellSouth’ will get this blog at the very tip-top. BellSouth, BellSouth, BellSouth. There. And if you’re really easily amused, this is what my friends and I think of the mighty, mighty BellSouth.

Last weekend was very amusing; we had a lot of parties. First was my sister’s wedding tea in Columbiana. It went very well, plus they had those tasty little cucumber open-face sandwiches like at my tea, so I was happy. I am partial to cucumbers.

We had my birthday dinner on the same night at Steak & Ale. I am also partial to filet mignon. ‘Twas a lovely dinner, and it had a great surprise at the end. My parents earlier had asked me the annual question, “What kind of cake do you want?” to which I had replied, “Uhhhh, a dinosaur one.” No reason, really; just wanted something different, something ‘not normal.’ I once had a dinosaur cake when I was at that age where inviting all the kids in your class (whether you knew them or not) to your birthday party was the cool thing to do, and it was quite a nifty cake. Oh, to be seven again.

Okay, back to dinner. “Okay, Carrie, close your eyes . . . . Carrie, put that camera down and close your eyes!” So I do, then I hear some rustling, and Steven exclaims, “Oh, my God!” Then it’s “Open your eyes, Carrie,” and this is what I see:

It was truly a bonifide dinosaur cake, 3-D even! It could have been a scene from Steel Magnolias, except with extinct reptiles. Waiters from other areas of the restaurant came by to take a gander. Steven then pulls out some candles he found that burn colored flames, like blue, pink, purple, you get the idea. It’s a continuation of a lighter gag joke. They sure did have a high flame; we made my mom extremely nervous.

As hard as it was, I eventually had to cut the cake. Steven chowed down on some snout, while I nibbled on some eye. Jason wanted a piece of tail, but after a few bad jokes, we didn’t cut that end. However, half the ass is presently in my fridge.

‘Bone’ appetit.

Just wanted to write something so I can go back later and think, “Woohoo, look, that’s what I wrote on my birthday!”

So that’s what I’m doing.

And this past weekend was very amusing, but it’s way too damn late for me to use any mental capacity to write it all down. I’ll consult the muses tomorrow.

But for a vague preview, just know that it involves dinosaurs.

Good night, y’all.