Crunchy Thoughts

While heading to work today we got behind a car — a Dodge/Chevy/Whatever Charger — with the license plate that read GODNCHR.

I was just about to announce that the plate read ‘good and crunchy’ when Steven declared it said either ‘God in charge’ or ‘God in charger.’

Both of his made more sense than mine but if ‘God in charger’ is true then that makes the person inside very, very arrogant . . . unless it WAS God . . . and it very well could have been.

After all, what better place for God to hide out than in Alabama, driving down 280 in a Charger?

Though I would have expected God to drive a Volvo.

Last week for the Florida game I still couldn’t find my Aubie pin and the Game Day Panties didn’t seem to be enough anymore, so I went for the full regalia of Panties, Orange Horticulture Shirt, and Auburn Watch that the Horticulture Department gave to me when I left last spring. All that plus shutting my eyes tight during every offensive play Florida had during their last drive seemed to do the trick. 27-17, baby.

This morning Steven and I were looking for the superglue. I might have broken the lamp switch, but they shouldn’t make them so cheaply if they’re supposed to be twisted all the time. I ran across my lone Auburn glove — the one that Renton ate the mate to — and it was heavy with coins and stuff. The stuff turned out to be good. One of the stuffs turned into . . .

The Aubie Pin!!!

Ohhhhh, we are SO gonna kick Tulane’s ass now!

Word.

“Are you the landscaping guy?”

“Yes, I am.”

(You know, except for the long hair, hips and boobs thing.)

27-10.

I just don’t know what happened.

I wore my Game Day Panties and EVERYTHING!

Maybe I need to find my Aubie pin that’s been missing since we moved . . .

And now for a very rare horticulture rant.

I had to take a test the other day so I can proclaim that the State of Alabama officially sanctions me to do my job. Apparently my degree from a land-grant state university isn’t enough, but I’ll not argue that point.

I will say, however, that I am not a fan of True/False questions. They’re too absolute for my taste and I always find myself second-guessing myself on every question. The situation is made worse with a poorly-written test. “such-and-so is a CRITICAL FACTOR when doing such-and-so” is a horrible sentence for a true/false statement.

“Critical factor” is an opinion. It’s a critical factor that true/false scenarios are less relied on in a testing environment . . . it’s a critical factor that privet is never considered in the horticultural industry except as a weed . . . it’s a critical factor that the person who wrote this test needs to go back and get their education degree . . . but other people might disagree. See? How can that phrase be used in a true/false statement?

The rest of the test was multiple choice. I can handle that style of question better but there were still some vague problems. I found myself not thinking of the answer as much as trying to decide between what I thought and the answer that I thought they were looking for.

For example, one question asked about plants in hedges. Which plant would be the least likely choice to use in a formal, sheared hedge: carissa holly, dwarf boxwood, dwarf yaupon, privet, or ‘all are very suitable.’

My thinking goes like: I don’t like privet, and long-term dwarf yaupon can look more like just sticks, and carissa holly has bigger leaves so you can see where it’s been sheared so the only one I’d really, really use is boxwood but THAT’S NOT THE QUESTION, IS IT? So I have to bite my tongue, smile and select, ‘oh yes, they’re all very lovely plants; very suitable,’ because I THINK that’s the answer they want.

I hate privet.

If I fail I have a bone to pick w/ the author of that test.