{"id":1045,"date":"2012-04-06T20:28:11","date_gmt":"2012-04-07T01:28:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/crunchythoughts.com\/?p=1045"},"modified":"2012-04-06T20:30:05","modified_gmt":"2012-04-07T01:30:05","slug":"its-my-birthday-and-ill-frat-if-i-want-to","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crunchythoughts.com\/?p=1045","title":{"rendered":"It’s my birthday and i’ll frat if i want to"},"content":{"rendered":"

This afternoon there was a knock at the door. I opened it to find one of the next-door redneck neighbors. <\/p>\n

“Oh crap,” I thought. It was Fuzzy, the owner of Sir Shits-A-Lot. We had just shoveled over another load of poop over to their yard a day’s previous. <\/p>\n

“Hey, I’m Ron from next door.” he says. “Today’s my birthday.”<\/p>\n

“Um, happy birthday,” I replied. What, are you looking for cookies?<\/p>\n

“I’m having some friends over tonight,” he begins, “and I just wanted to give you my number in case anything happens or whatever, just call or text me.”<\/p>\n

So now I have this guy’s cell phone written on my hand and the fratty redneck neighbors have created the Black Gate of Chelsea across their garage with lifted trucks.<\/p>\n

Steven and I figure if the party gets out of hand he will just mow the lawn tomorrow morning at 7:00 a.m., when the hangovers are still fresh.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This afternoon there was a knock at the door. I opened it to find one of the next-door redneck neighbors. “Oh crap,” I thought. It was Fuzzy, the owner of Sir Shits-A-Lot. We had just shoveled over another load of poop over to their yard a day’s previous. “Hey, I’m Ron from next door.” he […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/crunchythoughts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1045"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/crunchythoughts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/crunchythoughts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crunchythoughts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crunchythoughts.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1045"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/crunchythoughts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1045\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1047,"href":"https:\/\/crunchythoughts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1045\/revisions\/1047"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/crunchythoughts.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1045"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crunchythoughts.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1045"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crunchythoughts.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1045"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}