Crunchy Thoughts

The thoughts are crunchier here.

renton’s small children

Though I don’t usually write about it much (really, who wants to hear about cat poop), a lot of y’all know about Renton and his tendency towards traffic jams of the lower intestine.

After his last doctor visit, complete with enemas, the vet mentioned the dreaded word ‘megacolon’ and suggested adding pumpkin to his daily diet along with the dosage of syrupy lactulose he was already receiving. We’ve never been able to successfully separate Renton and Hermione’s food, so whatever he got, Hermione also got. Hermione has a high metabolism that sharply contracts Renton’s — this is most likely due to her constantly running at 90 miles an hour — so she actually eats all her food and half of his. So with the addition of the pumpkin to the cats’ diet there was an added bonus — it quelled Hermione’s hunger and she SHUT UP.

After a while, we noticed the pumpkin and lactulose, though helping Renton, wasn’t enough to loosen him up. His poops, when he managed to get one out, were the weight of a thousand suns. There were uncomfortable moments when we thought he was heading back to the vet. We all know how much he LOVES the vet.

During some research I ran upon a site, dubbed, which suggested a fiber supplement akin to Metamucil but with more awesomeness. Since Renton had started a horrible habit of dropping heavy pellets wherever the need hit him, we were willing to try anything.

Our happy package swiftly arrived and due to a lack of communication between myself and Steven, Renton’s (and Hermione’s) first dose was a human one.

Within the day, Renton birthed his first small child.

It was something a Labrador Retriever or Great Dane could have done. Don’t worry, I won’t freak you out with pictures — Steven said The Internet didn’t need to see that.

I figured that would be a one-time cleansing sort of thing, but the small children kept coming, even with the smaller, cat-sized doses. They were huge, but healthier, really. If THIS is what this cat has needed to do for five years, no wonder he is always in a pissy mood.

Hermione is getting her Medibulk dose, too. You would think she’d be pooping waterfalls, but thankfully she’s okay on that front. The problem is it is speeding up her already light-speed metabolism. She noms down all her food and whatever Renton leaves, then an hour or two later she’s going ballistic every time one of us steps in the kitchen. She’s a little eight pound cat but I think she could eat a rhinoceros.

Starting yesterday we’re making a concentrated effort to separate the cats and their food so Hermione can get the non-bulked version. Hermione’s irritated because she’s closeted off and can’t get at whatever Renton’s eating — it’s obviously better. Renton’s irritated because, well, I’m not really sure why. He just misses his bully. I do mean bully, not buddy. After he eats his food, and he does scarf down most of it now there’s more room in his gut, he sits outside the bathroom, where an irritated Hermione is not eating hers.

Here’s hoping they get used to it. Here’s hoping the Medibulk continues to work for Renton. We just can’t afford to let Hermione eat the Medibulk because we truly can’t afford the cost of her eating three cans a day of their expensive cat food. We don’t want Renton to go through any more enemas, either. We’re tired of Renton shredding through our vets.