saved-up quotes

My birthday’s coming up and Steven and I happened upon my present randomly in the mall the other day.

It’s totally awesome, though Lydia doesn’t like it much.

I’ll let y’all muse on that a few days before I tell you what it is.

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Yesterday I was in the elevator in the Women’s section of Brookwood Hospital heading to my OB appointment. There are two guys with a little girl in the elevator with me when one of them notices a small puddle on the elevator floor.

“I suppose that’s just water,” he muses.

The other one replies, “In this section of the hospital . . . I don’t know.”

Only the little girl didn’t laugh.

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A few weeks ago Steven and I were about to head to Ken and Lisa’s to take them a piece of yard equipment — Ken calls it a hopper.

“Is this it?” Steen hollers, pulling it out of the garage. “I wasn’t quite sure what a hopper is.”

“Yeah, that’s it,” I reply. “I call it a seed spreader.”

“That’s funny,” said Steven. “That’s what I call my penis.”