Dear Mr. and Mrs. Goofy-Present-Buyer,
Thank you so very much for the absolutely goofy gift that you sent to us for our wedding. We are absolutely speechless over it; we’re really not quite sure what it is yet, but once we figure it out, we’ll be sure to use it for it’s intentended purpose and love it. It absolutely does not match with anything else that we own or would ever would think to own. It is so nice to know how much you were thinking of us.
We are sorry that you couldn’t make it to our wedding, but since we have not seen you in such an absolutely long time, we probably wouldn’t have recognized you in the first place. However, we truly missed having you there. Once again, thank you very much for the useless, ugly gift; we hope to see you soon!
Love,
Carrie and Steven