sputnik; twenty-four months in orbit

Last Saturday, Sam had his Golden Birthday — he turned two on the 2nd of June. Another year has flown by. Since his birthday fell on a Saturday, we had his party on the same day.

Sam is still doing really well with his speech therapy. His teacher has been very pleased with his progress over the last six months, and so are we. He has many handy words in his vocabulary now and his willing to repeat just about anything you say to him. Lydia has taken advantage of this by teaching him the words “poop” and “tee-tee.”

When Sam was first born, I tried to get him to take a pacifier like Lydia did. I tried so hard. Alas, I was doomed to failure, and Sam has always sucked his fingers. He still does, and we have attempted a few different remedies to get him to stop — his fingers are NASTY — but no luck so far. I have so many pictures of him with . . . The Fingers.

Sam still has a mercurial personality, and perhaps always will. One second he will be playing happily and then suddenly he will get set off by something — a toy, his sister, lack of juice — and he instantly morphs into meltdown mode. He’s very good at wielding his head as a weapon to create fat lips. We’ve learned to ignore him and make a wide berth.

Just as suddenly — especially if distracted — Sam can perform an other about-face and be the sweetest, most cuddly little boy. He loves to give hugs and kisses whenever anyone asks for them. He has the most spectacular laugh that sounds a bit like a squeaky toy. Lydia can still get him to laugh better than anybody else. He can be quite the ham.

Sam is very fond of things that “do stuff” — anything that beeps, lights up, or moves is great fun. Keep your iPhones guarded around him, he knows how to unlock them.

Sam has fallen in love with the outdoors this year. As soon as he’s up (and well-fed) on the weekends, he’s dragging us to the front door, chanting, “‘Side! ‘Side!” He could play out there all day, preferably shoeless. He got a swing for Christmas that he loves to sit in for 30 minute stretches. I’ve given up on reprimanding him for dumping sand out of the sandbox. Then there’s the water hose — he loves to turn that thing on then immediately get himself soaking wet.

He’s a dirt hound as well. Sam will dig in the dirt until the soil is halfway up underneath his fingernails. *shudder* One of his thumbnails is pretty bad, actually. He would rather have messy dirt over good clean sand any day.

Speaking of well-fed, Sam is still quite the eater. There are days where I am sure he has eaten so much he is going to be sick later, but he keeps it all down. When it comes to food, him and Lydia are complete opposites. I’m not sure where he puts it all!

We are still avoiding eggs and rice, so we have to be vigilant lest Sam wolf down a meringue pie or cheese omelet before we’re none the wiser. We’re supposed to try some rice with him again, but I haven’t yet built up the courage. Mayyyybe when he’s twelve.

Now we’re in that weird three-week limbo where Sam is two but Lydia has a few more weeks before she’s four. She is a bit antsy about all the new awesome beeping new toys in Sam’s room and the 23rd feels like a long way away for her. She’s very insistent that Sam has to share. Sam is insistent that Lydia needs to hold her horses.

a storm of spoilers

Oi! Don’t read this incredibly funny story if you are watching The Game of Thrones or haven’t read all the books yet! Ye be warned!

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Steven and I have recently been indulging in the commentaries provided with the DVD set of the Game of Thrones I received for my birthday. Now, we both read the books that were available way back when we were living in Auburn, so it’s been a blast to see the characters come alive on screen. Mind, Auburn was a very long time ago.

Last night we were watching one of these commentaries when Peter Dinklage, the actor who plays Tyrion, remarked in the commentary that he had not read all the books, and was just keeping up with where his character was in the script in order to keep from getting ahead of his character’s journey.

This makes sense, but I imagine it must be hard to keep from getting spoiled, and I said so to Steven.

“I mean, there are some crazy fans out there. What if one of them ran up to him and said, ‘Hey Tyrion, you kill your dad!’ ”

Steven turned to me, eyes wide, and said, “What??”

“What??” I said back. Steven continued to look at me funny, then the wheels started to click. He never read the fourth book when it came out.

Oops.

bottomless pit, part two

On Monday, Sam ate:

two pancakes,

seven tortilla chips,

one bowl of macaroni and cheese,

one baby back rib,

three spoonfuls of baked beans,

one orange slice,

one slice of dried pineapple,

five chicken nuggets,

sixteen pieces of watermelon,

and three animal crackers.

That night he let out a huge belch.

The End.

play dough fun factory

These gems of Lydia’s were told to me by her daycare teacher. I laughed so hard I snorted when I heard them.

Lydia, after pooping on the potty at school: “That was amazing!”

She had another poop later that day. That time she squealed, “Oooooh, poopsnakes!”

fickle fashionista

After a round of clothes shopping, I show off my spoils to Lydia. She oohs and aahs over the t-shirts emblazoned with Wonder Woman and The Avengers. Then I pull out the pièce de résistance, a summery pink and white dress for the upcoming birthday pictures. Lydia let out a squeal that oozed of rainbows and unicorns.

“You like it?” I ask, amused by her squeak.

Tears begin to well up in her eyes as she begins to cry and she says, “Nooo, I don’t like that.” Yikes. I think her squeal was really more of a shriek.

“Aww, why don’t you like it,” I ask as I begin to search for the receipt.

“I don’t like it!” she cries.

“But I thought you like the color pink,” I continue, grasping at straws.

At that, she quickly ends the waterworks, perks up, and states, “Oh. Okay. I like it.”

I’m still holding on to that receipt, just in case.

spring lock

Lately it seems our house is falling to pieces. Our kitchen faucet is starting to get a bit leaky on us. The kitchen light became possessed by a rogue demon and had to be replaced, but not before a minor casualty involving the new light, unpreparedness, and gravity. It’s like we’re being attacked around here.

This morning as I first roll out of bed I go to pee first, as all people do. I don’t truly wake up until the shower water hits me so I’m still pretty groggy as I move to open the Poo Parlor door (our potty has its own closet) and SMACK! I run right into the door before it opens. I make to open the door for real and . . . the knob doesn’t turn. Eh? Now I’m starting to wake up and I’m thinking, “I’m not THAT asleep, right? I can open the door, right? It’s not locked, I’m not an idiot; it’s not locked.”

After a few more unsuccessful tries I was really awake and apparently stuck to boot. I make enough noise to get Steven to see what the hell I’m doing. It takes us another ten minutes to get me out of there. Steven eventually had to take the door off the hinges; removing the doorknob did nothing except give us a peephole.

When Lydia woke up later in the morning — banging the hinges off surprisingly didn’t pop her right out of bed — I told her my now-funny story. She had me retell it multiple times and even went to tour the damage.

Now there’s a knobless door leaning against our bedroom wall, another item on the home improvement store list. Well, it could be worse. At least I didn’t get locked in there after releasing a huge global killer.

in a rush to brush

This morning Lydia and I took an excursion north towards Birmingham for her dentist appointment. We only had to go up three exits, so I took my chances with the interstate.

Alas, I-65 began to back up about a mile before we needed to get off. Lydia was amazed by all the cars.

“Wow, look at all the people!” Lydia exclaimed. “Everybody is going to the dentist!”

rednecks are our friends (and i’ll be nice to them)

Steven didn’t mow the lawn until lunchtime today. The party next door, crowded as it was, was surprisingly tame compared to previous siorées. Around 10:30 last night I peeked out the window and counted 17 cars along the road, and thought we were in for another doozie.

Later today we were outside with Lydia (Sam was napping) when the main Frat and actual house owner, Nathan, came over to check that the party didn’t disturb us at all. We assured him it really had not been bad. Not like that last one, har har.

Nathan was concerned about whether the party music had bothered us. In fact, the Black Gate of Chelsea constructed out of pickup trucks that I described yesterday was intended to block sound coming out of the garage. Rather touching, actually.

Then all the happy things clicked at once: Lydia played sweetly by herself, the weather hit the perfect temperature and humidity, and we had a real conversation with the next door neighbor.

By the end of the afternoon, we had toured each other’s basements, they gave Steven a six-pack of beer plus one, and in true redneck fashion, they pulled down a dead tree that straddled the property line with one of their rumbling trucks and a tow line.

By the bye, this tree died not long after Steven peed on it. Coincidence? I think not.

As Steven sipped a cold Dos Equis this evening, he turned to me and mused, “You know, I think I take everything back I said about the neighbors.”

“Yeah,” I replied, “I think I take about half of it back at least.”

It’s my birthday and i’ll frat if i want to

This afternoon there was a knock at the door. I opened it to find one of the next-door redneck neighbors.

“Oh crap,” I thought. It was Fuzzy, the owner of Sir Shits-A-Lot. We had just shoveled over another load of poop over to their yard a day’s previous.

“Hey, I’m Ron from next door.” he says. “Today’s my birthday.”

“Um, happy birthday,” I replied. What, are you looking for cookies?

“I’m having some friends over tonight,” he begins, “and I just wanted to give you my number in case anything happens or whatever, just call or text me.”

So now I have this guy’s cell phone written on my hand and the fratty redneck neighbors have created the Black Gate of Chelsea across their garage with lifted trucks.

Steven and I figure if the party gets out of hand he will just mow the lawn tomorrow morning at 7:00 a.m., when the hangovers are still fresh.