Crunchy Thoughts

The thoughts are crunchier here.

April 25, 2017
by Carrie

changing of the guard

I don’t think our family means to do this, but we tend to buy cars in clusters. In the space of about four weeks in 2004, my brother-in-law got a new Vibe, my parents got the Saturn L300, my in-laws got a Honda CR-V, and we got our Elliott. I swear none of this was coordinated.

Again in April of 2015, we got our Volt, my in-laws got a Ford Fusion, and my brother-in-law got his Mini Cooper. Once again, this was not planned. I even wrote about our sudden need to replace our Saturn L300 — which was the very same L300 that my parents had bought in 2004.

So. I should’ve known.

Now, I will point out that this is not as sudden as it seems! There are no mechanical crises, no fender benders, no weird electrical bucking like a horse. About six months ago, Steven mused to me, “Maybe we should think about getting you a new car,” to which I immediately replied, “No.” Elliott is mine. My Elliott! Don’t say it too loud, he will hear you! Geez.

And so every once in a while, it would come up in conversation. I would always be against it (My Elliott!), but I began to think, “You know . . . someday . . . it’s going to have to happen.” Then I would look at all the cars driving around me and I only saw a sea of ugly. They don’t make Elements anymore; there’s just nothing like them.

You see where this is going, don’t you?

The first interesting car, to me at least, showed up in the form of a Chevy Bolt. It’s very similar to Steven’s Volt, except it is all electric. It’s a neat looking car, it’s different, and it uses no gas at all! Unfortunately, the Bolt is brand-spanking new, and Alabama will not be graced with one until about September.

But I thought about a new car. And I kept thinking about it, just in the back of my mind. Thinking. Reading reviews. Watching videos. Assessing the terrain.

Then a few weeks ago my mother-in-law texts me, “Hey, can we swing by? We got a new car!”

Uh oh.

And so they did; a snazzy new Ford Edge with some neat bells and whistles. It’s a very fun ride. Ford has come a long way since the Contour, bless their hearts.

So last week, just for grins and giggles, the four of us test drove a few different cars. Just to see what’s out there. Just to get a feel. Just looking.

Just looking.

Then on Saturday, we signed.

And Monday, we brought him home. But this post isn’t about him.

So Elliott, who was washed, clayed, compounded, and polished to within an inch of his life on Sunday, is resting comfortably in an undisclosed location, ready to put himself on the market.

And so we come to the worst part of this ordeal. Oh my god. I have to say goodbye to Elliott. He has been my car for a third of my life! My marriage is only six months older than him. I knew I wanted him the moment I saw him, we scrimped and saved to get him, and I have loved every moment driving him.

I remember riding home in Elliott’s passenger seat in late evening on a warm summer. It had stormed earlier, the roads were wet, the air was humid and fragrant, and for some reason the hospital saw fit to let us take home a six pound baby, sleeping comfortably in the rear seat.

On a warm May day I stood next to Elliott outside my office, on the phone with Cathy, my voice cracking as we both began to realize our mother wasn’t going to make it through the weekend.

In our driveway in Auburn I mentioned to Steven and Ken that I kept smelling a funny smell in Elliott. Steven said I always smell weird things but it’s nothing to be concerned about. Ken looked under my seat and found a very ripe tomato that had rolled out of a grocery bag.

We drove to the beach. We drove to Chicago. We drove to Louisville. We drove to Atlanta. We drove to Rockyhead.

We hauled an entire dresser from my grandmother’s house. We’ve transported plants, mulch, and sod many times. We fetched drywall and celing rails for the basement. Renton, Hermione, Watson, and Crunchy have all taken a ride, though Renton was the only one that didn’t mind.

We have always called him by his name. Daddy’s car is just Daddy’s car, but Mommy’s car is Elliott.

After the composer.

April 17, 2017
by Carrie

i have a kaiju problem

I’m not sure if Sam just lucked out by having naturally nerdy parents, or if he gets obsessed with nerdy things because of his nerdy parents. Either way, he is one lucky dude. His preoccupations become the entire family’s preoccupations — I hunt for toys and books for him, Steven finds movie soundtracks and pertinent facts, and even Lydia acquiesces to play-acting whatever Sam is currently enthralled with. We all obsess together. It’s one of those weird ways that autism influences the family dynamic.

Sam’s long-standing interest is Godzilla. A few weeks before his 4th birthday there was a traumatic event involving an ear infection and a doctor that wanted to look in his ears, so I offered to get him a helium balloon afterwards to make amends.

As Sam looked over his choices, he pointed to one and asked, “What’s that?”

“That’s Godzilla.”

“Oh. What is that?”

“Um, he’s like a big lizard that breathes blue fire.”

“Okay. I want that one.”

And just like that, an obsession was born.

Two years and some 20 Godzilla figurines, four Godzilla books, three Godzilla shirts, and an inflatable Godzilla costume later, we are a fully-immersed Godzilla family. Sam and I spent this morning looking up the latest Godzilla movie info and Godzilla size comparison pictures. Did you know they’re making a sequel to the 2014 Godzilla, which will be out in 2019? Well, now you do! Did you know there will be a movie coming out in 2020 where Godzilla will fight King Kong? Well, now you do! Did you know the Shin Godzilla movie won for Best Picture in Japan last year? Well . . . now you do!

I find myself scanning eBay every once in a while for elusive Godzilla toys, bidding on figures, buying them, hiding them in my closet for the next Christmas or birthday. Today I found out there is a Godzilla-themed hotel in Tokyo. And you know, it’s not a bad price to stay there! The expensive part is the plane ticket. Then I’m looking that up, and it’s not much more than going to London. So what if . . .?

No. No. No way, that would be nuts. Can you imagine Sam in Tokyo? Can you imagine me trying to corral Sam in Tokyo?

Maybe when he’s a teenager.

There are Godzilla comic books, a Godzilla subreddit, Godzilla shoes, Godzilla memes . . .

Godzilla memes are best memes.

And now I’ve realized I’m also obsessed with Godzilla. But I don’t even like Godzilla! I don’t care how long he’s been around (since 1954), how tall Shin Godzilla is (118.5 meters tall), or if he has gills (don’t ask; it’s controversial). I don’t activate my geek powers because I like Godzilla, I do it because I have this sweet, caring, obsessive little ball of anxiety named Sam.

And Sam loves Godzilla.

March 19, 2017
by Carrie
Comments Off on *thunk thunk*

*thunk thunk*

Steven started up the clothes dryer, which immediately began to make an ominous *thunk, thunk* noise. 

“Whoa, whose clothes are those?” I asked. 

“The girl’s,” he replied. 

“Ooh, better check for lip gloss! It’s either that or a rock.”

After a few minutes of rummaging, Steven emerged from the laundry room, victorious. “Ah ha!”

“What was it?”

“A rock!”

March 17, 2017
by Carrie
Comments Off on not helping

not helping

After a long day of teaching, running errands, and fighting traffic I am glad to be home this evening. Sam warmly greets me with a verbal waterfall filled with tales of Minecraft, playing outside for hours and hours and hours, what he had for lunch, and how much he missed me.

“. . . and me and Lydia were playing outside, and we played with Rachel! And guess what, Mom! Rachel is going to a space camp! She gets to go into SPACE!!!” Sam is very excited about all this, and I can tell he’s setting me up to ask if he can go into space, too.

“Well Baby, she’s not actually going to go into space,” I try to explain. “You pretend to go.”

“Nope! She said! She told me! She said she’s going to go to SPACE!” he insists.

“I promise you, Baby, you don’t really go into space. Daddy went to Space Camp when he was a kid; ask him.” I holler at Steven for assistance, “Steven, come tell your son about Space Camp!”

“It’s so awesome!” Steven yells back, “You get to go into SPACE!!!”

February 26, 2017
by Carrie
Comments Off on kitchen complaints, episode seven

kitchen complaints, episode seven

Tonight we were scrounging for something to cook, so we ended up having breakfast for dinner. We scored major Parent Brownie Points with this move.

Sam, while eating pankcakes: “I’m the luckiest kid in the universe!”

Lydia, doubtfully: “Why?”

Sam: “I had a regular dinner and a breakfast dinner!*”

Lydia: “Well, I had breakfast and a bowl of cereal.”

Me: “It’s not a competition, guys.”

Sam: “Yeah. And I won!”

Steven: “You heard your mother. Besides, I would win anyway.”

Sam: “Dad! It’s not a competition!”

*At first, Sam didn’t want breakfast, so he had a hot dog. Then the call of a pankcake pulled him over to the dark side.

December 26, 2016
by Carrie
Comments Off on post-christmas eve update

post-christmas eve update

In all the chaos, I forgot to post a Christmas Eve update. Ah well. Some years are like that. 

Here we go:

Times the cat has eaten the tree and barfed: 0!

Times the cat has picked a fight and had to be taken to the vet: 2

How many cookies Mommy has made: 245. That is not a made-up number. 

How many ornaments the kids have broken: 2

How many Godzilla ornaments are on the tree: 2


December 12, 2016
by Carrie
Comments Off on an early Christmas present

an early Christmas present

It’s a lovely, dreary day today. I’m not being sarcastic, either. I am so glad for the dreariness and rain that we’ve had over the last few weeks. All forms of grey skies are welcome after a drought.

Now that we’re in December, we’re taking a month off of school. With so much going on during this time of year, it’s nice to take a mental break. The kids have filled their time with riding bikes, building worlds with LEGOs, and generally getting on each others’ nerves.

For the past hour, Lydia has been sitting by the tree with her nose in a book. She’s reading, you guys. Reading! A book! No pictures, just words! Y’all know how long she has struggled with reading. Watching her be interested in a book of her own accord is quite a sight to behold.

She is sitting there, completely absorbed, without any awareness of how much she is blowing my mind.


November 26, 2016
by Carrie
Comments Off on the tree + one, 2016

the tree + one, 2016

And now. . .

I present to you The Tree, 2016:


Lydia’s smaller tree is also decorated, just not shown.

Total lights on the tree: 2,980; another new record and only 20 short of 3k!
Total number of incandescent lights: 1,350
Total number of LED lights: 1,630
Times the cat has eaten the tree and barfed: 0!
Amount of interest the cat has shown in the tree this year: 0; he’s mellowing out
Ornaments children have broken: 1
Amount of new lights purchased to replace broken strands: 1,200

November 8, 2016
by Carrie
Comments Off on time to boat

time to boat

It’s voting time again. Like most people, I’m ready for this election to be over. Almost there — woooooo!

I ended up bringing both kids with me to vote today. Steven’s working from home and the kids did have the option to stay there with him, but Lydia, who has been learning about the Electoral College, wanted to come. Once Sam realized Lydia was going somewhere, he just had to go, too.

“Buddy, we’re just going to vote. It won’t take long and it will be a bit boring,” I caution.

“No, I’m coming.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

So Sam tagged along for the ride. Thankfully, our polling station is well-organized and we were in and out within ten minutes.

As we come outside of the building, Sam looks around and asks, “Where’s the lake?”

“Huh? What lake, buddy?”

“The lake.”

“There isn’t any lake, Sam,” Lydia replies.

“But . . . you said we were going to boat!”

October 27, 2016
by Carrie
Comments Off on stranger danger

stranger danger

The ending of the Elephant & Piggie books has sent Sam on a quest to find another series of books. Recently he’s discovered the wide world of the Berenstain Bears books, so we have been borrowing them from the library in heaps.

Earlier I read to him The Berenstain Bears Learn About Strangers. Afterwards, I gave him a little quiz.

“Sam, if someone you didn’t know pulled up in a car and asked you to get in, what would you say?”

“No, thank you.”

“What if they said they had candy?”

“No, thank you.”

“What if they said they had toys?”

“No, thank you.”

“What if they said they had a Godzilla toy?”

“Yes, thank you.”